The play-date is over - redeeming 'best enemies'

So I've 1-2 best enemies in my life (no, no names!)

They're pretty much self-made. They achieved it through a concerted effort to run over other people (sometimes me, mostly others).

Such people suffer from a complete lack of emotional intelligence.

A few exhibits from the Night Gallery (with a nod to the great Rod Serling):

Picture a person who:

• promised to help another, while disparaging them behind their back; or
• repeatedly practices 'blunt is the new black'; or
• believes its ok to actively exclude others. 

Do you know such people? I know all three. Phew they make it tough to include them!

They miss out on a lot.

I have to wonder what we miss out on, by keeping them as 'best enemies'

I'm asking myself some tough questions:

• How has keeping them as a 'best enemy' improved my life?
• What do they know that could make others lives better?
• Does this take energy keeping them at a distance?
• What role have I played in this broken relationship?
• Do I want more of this?

One thing's clear - 'best enemies' hasn't driven anything constructive.

Maybe the phrase 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' has a different interpretation.

How do you handle your best enemies?

The socially acceptable addiction - the disconnect from real life

One of the most important human needs beyond food, shelter, water and air, according to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, is the need to feel valued (I talk about this under my blog on ‘Appreciation’).

Second only to the need to feel valued is the need to belong, to feel included – there’s no doubt these are powerful drivers of our behaviour, on a daily basis.

For example,

·         What happened the last time you were in a relationship where you didn’t feel valued?

·         What happened the last time you were in a group where you did not feel included, on a regular basis?

Did you leave? Of course you did – in the same way you’d leave a room with no air.

Why are those needs such strong drivers? They are primal; we evolved as a social organism and being part of the tribe is essential to human comfort. Sure we have differing tribes and levels of engagement – but show me a human being who feels no need to be valued or a need to associate with someone and I’ll show you a hermit; such people are very much the exception.

Ok, so we’re wired this way – so what?

Here’s where social media can be so compelling – there’s niche for everyone (ultimate inclusion) and such communities can be rich feeding for feeling valued too.

Of course great things can (and do) come from this too.

However, is it any wonder that many lead virtual lives today?

I worry for the ‘Millennials’.